they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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