At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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