i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he fucked my hip out of place.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
