I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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