Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
