I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
