I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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