I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
