The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize