You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
