Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
In America we eat man semen.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
