pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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