I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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