Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
