you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
