My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
