When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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