The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My vagina is very pro this idea
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