she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I would fuck him just for his dog
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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