Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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