Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
