dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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