yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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