Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
