I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
