im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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