then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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