I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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