Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She bit a glass in half.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
