Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
