Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
