i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
