i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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