i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
