on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
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I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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