My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
