I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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