I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
