Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
