mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
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I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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