I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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