Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
