Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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