I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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