Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
