I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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