my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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