community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
