Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
