Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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