If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
