I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
