He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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