Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Found your dick twin last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
