i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
