so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
