...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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