Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
