I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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