I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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