you guys were way drunker than both of me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
