At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
