i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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