My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
