I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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