I'm lost and stupid without you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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