Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
