you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
