K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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