Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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