We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
