We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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