i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
