Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
