I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
