imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
