Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
