He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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