sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
