from now on my penis is your penis
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
